I mean, why spend my money to put up bail when she's just going to wind up doing time anyway?

—said the guy on the B train this morning.

Just got a note from the mastermind behind Overheard in New York to tell me:

I run Overheard in NY and I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed your story about what happened when you purchased the book--I already know I'm going to repeat the story to everyone I know :)

WoW !!
That's IT.
The universe is one.

Boogie Down Bronx

While the more glamorous types spend their summer weekends in breezy beach towns, I will be spending my time and my dime in the boogie down Bronx with the lovely Rokafella ..

Met her on Saturday for a tour of Parkchester ..

We hit the Cuban Chinese spot for a snack, where I observed, "Did you ever notice how the waiters are always so unbothered to be here? Like here's your food. Yes, it's good. I don't need to ask how you like it." And Roka said, "Yea. Cause you know, they're like, 'In my country I was an engineer.'" Indeed. Cuban Chinese tastes good with a dash of mad attitude.

Then we made it to the beauty supply store, and, honey, if you don't know us you cannot imagine. Hair Hair Everywhere. It was like a reunion of sorts. Yo, did you ever try Queen Helen? Yea all the time. But it's not so good to leave in. You leave it in? Yea it works the curl. Ohh how about that Mane & Tail? No I never tried that. That shit reminds me of high school. I know you used TCB. Nahh, we white; we used Curl Free—you know, with the hippie on the box.

We went on for awhile. Then we made our way to the extension department, where an older woman stopped us to say, "Why are you two here. You got hair. Me‚ I ain't got hair. I need hair. But you two got hair." True, true, we do. But we like straight hair. Long hair. Flowing waves of amber grain. Purple mountains majesty. Some ill shit.

Then the older woman stopped the Asian man behind thed counter. "Mr. Chang!" "My name's not Mr. Chang." "But you Chinese." "No." "Korean." "No." "Japanese." "No." Alright, what are you?" "New Yorker."

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Next up, we hittin' Fordham Road. Can I get a white stretch jean? I'm sayin ..

Ohh Ricky, You're So Pretty You Don't Understand

Sometimes, when I walk down the street with Ricky Powell, I like to stop suddenly, and shout out, "Ohmagod are YOU Ricky Powell?" It amuses me to no end to unnerve him. You know how some people bring out your wicked stepsister side?

Honey is going to be at Rival on Thursday, June 1 from 4:00–7:00 p.m. to host the opening for a new exhibition, as well as signing copies of Public Access. And trust, if you haven't met this New York institution, the time is now. He's sure to be in rare form ..

Rival
225 Hudson Street near Canal Street, New York
For more information, please call 212-929-7222

Gossip is Good

I love me some updates from allhiphop.com .. Today's stories include classics from the Has Been Collection .. Enjoy !!

Foxy Brown will stand trial July 17 for allegedly assaulting two nail salon employees in a dispute over a manicure, a judge ruled today (May 26). Brown, born Inga Marchant, will face misdemeanor assault charges. Prosecutors say the rapper, 26, punched and kicked two employees after they allegedly refused to let her leave the salon when Brown refused to pay her $20 dollar tab. Brown allegedly struck one of the employees in the face and body with a cell phone in her closed fist and hit the manager of the salon. Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Gerald Harris also issued orders of protection today for Myoung Yi and Sun Ji Song, the two employees allegedly assaulted by the rapper.

Dasun Allah, the former Editor-In-Chief of The Source magazine, was jailed yesterday for six months after being convicted of striking a two people with a satchel filled with gravel earlier in January. Prosecutors charged that Allah, whose real name is David Blanks, hit a pair of strangers with the satchel on Jan. 8 while in Harlem with no discernible motive. The 32-year-old scribe, who has written for the likes of the Village Voice, had pled guilty in March and was free on $5,000 bail. Allah has another case pending where he stands accused of decimating a Jehovah's Witness sanctuary in October of 2005, a felonious offense if he is convicted.

From Pills to Pees

Word from the incomparable Annie Sprinkle is that megalomaniac media fantatic Rush Limbaugh wrote about Pees on Earth in his newsletter. Annie calls it "scandalous" and lord knows, honey, if she is scandalized this sucka is hot !!

I am trying to get a copy—apparently it's gonna cost but believe you me, Rush is preaching to the ideal market. You know how dem conservatives have some seriously freaky fetishes. All that anger, guilt, and repression makes for some fascinating characterological quirks.

And you know how he was anti drugs while hustlin' pills? Yeaaa .. To paraphrase the Bard, me thinks he protest too much.

The White City

Once upon a time, I decided to write a story on Serbia, only I didn't know a thing about the country. Really, nothing. I remember asking Belgrade-born photographer Boogie if Serbia the home of Slobodan Milosevic though I asked without much conviction. Typically clueless American.

But after meeting Boogie I became curious, and pitched a story on the country to Swindle magazine. They went for it, and then I had a month to learn the convoluted history of a nation that has been under seige for over six centuries. But I did it. I wrote 70-word sentences that actually made sense and I summarized the situation in some 1600 words. Remind not to try those New Yorker style stories again. Or at least, not while I have a day job.

Kickin' Wicked Rhymes Like a Fortune Teller

I may be slightly insane, but for all together different reasons. However a splendid side effect of my madness are my psychic tendencies, which include predicting the blackout of 2003 the day before it happened. I was on the phone with a photo editor from The New York Times Magazine as they were looking for photographers who had been shooting in the 70s. The idea was that thing were so bad, it was the 70s all over again. And I said really loudly, "Yea. All we need now is a blackout!"

Just one day later, voila.

Since then I have had a couple of random psychic encounters, but the ones I notice most are my psychic shopping experiences. Like yesterday, I finally found it: Creep Wit Me by Ill Al Skratch. See, I just started thinknig about the album a week ago, convinced I had to get it. And of course I could go to Virgin or Amazon or whathaveyou but that's cheating, as far as I am concerned. I buy virtually everything from thrift shops to ensure that my voracious desires for stuff actually beneift someone other than myself. So I was in my favorite spot yesterday tho no, I will not tell you where. That's cheating. And what do you know? I found the damn album.

Now I know you've never heard of Ill Al Skratch and I know you have never heard the album but that's what makes it so special. Now if only I could find Nice 'N Smooth's first album*..

* hint hint

I feel it coming on .. I feel it .. I feel it ..

...so we invited people to tell us about their Lovemarks and got a range of responses from "water" to "Mary Mother of God" .. I am still in awe that Nicole could maintain interest (and a straight face) and Simone, well she is just amazing because she talks to people like she cares!

I did my Lovemarks bit. First on line, naturally. Cannot resist a camera. Spoke a bit insanely about my love of Chanel cosmetics and skincare (something disturbing like "It's not a product, it's a way of life.") and also recalled how I actually opened a charge account at Macy's (hush !! don't tell anyone. It'll ruin my rep) just to get the discount. Ohh, the things you'll confess to on camera. It was a Jenny Jones moment.

But don't think I had the best story, cause honey, these people in publishing are a little..weird. Like that bedraggled blonde author of unknown age who stated through hooded eyes that her Lovemark was Xanax. Or the bald black guy who informed us he legally changed his middle name to Tag, after Tag Heuer. Which, as Nicole rightly pointed out, loses some of it's allure when you realize it is just German for "day." Or the juicy young lady who proudly informed us that whenever she goes into Target she has a "Targasm."

Someone should call their ad agency. I feel a new campaign coming (err) on.

* PoP Quiz *

What ultra-glamorous, Chanel-loving powerHouse author was reduced to sharing my less-than-luscious room at the Holiday Inn in Alexandria, Virginia, on the evening of Friday, May 19th? Though she only stays at 4-star hotels at the expense of her wealthy clients, we brought her down to our level.



As she put it:
"This self-described hotel princess was all too happy to share a room at a no-hair dryer, no stationery, on the highway Holiday Inn, solely because it was at the invitation of Miss Rosen.. And remember, I may be a hotel princess, but I still can tell the difference between crickets and a humming refrigerator.."

Okay. I mistook the fridge for the lovely sound of crickets because—I live in a world of concrete, people! How the hell do I know what crickets sound like?

However, that is not quite the point. I am pleased to announce the first-ever On the Town with Miss Rosen PoP Quiz. If you correctly identify the author, you will receive copies of her books. You get three hints:

1. She has a shocking photo of Rakim. Okay, it's not shocking. Or maybe it is. I don't know. I haven't seen it yet. But it sounds promising.
2. She knows how to host a holiday party. Between the a-list guests, the holiday spread, and the apartment itself, I am thinking of moving in.
3. I had to fix her bra at BEA. Daniel's eyes almost fell out of his head. I know. That's not a hint. You already got a hint. She loves Chanel. Think: Red Red Lipstick. Coco Parfum.

Stay tuned for more stories from BEA.

Love to Love You Baby

Visit the powerHouse Books Booth 3905
Book Expo America 2006
Washington D.C. Convention Center
Friday, May 19–Sunday, May 21

We're inviting attendees to be filmed while telling a story about their favorite Lovemarks and enter into a chance to win a luxury gift bag.

You know mine, right ? Chanel cosmetics & skincare. When in doubt, just remember a gift certificate to Bergdorf's will always be well received.

Pigs .. In .. Spaaaace

I am slightly obsessed with The Muppet Show .. My favorite character is Janice, The Vallery Girl in the band, who is best remembered for her line in The Muppets Take Manhattan when they were all squashed into lockers in Grand Central station: "I'll go with anyone who has a ja-coo-ziii" ..

So—totally unrelated—when we first laid out the title page of Ellen Jong's Pees on Earth, we were trying to figure out the best way the title would look. At one point the words were each on their own line, and I was like, "Ohh no. It looks like Pees .. On .. Eaaaarth" .. Now I am forver saying this in my head: Pees .. On .. Eaaaarth.

Join Miss Ellen for the after party, as the lovely lady takes Miami ..

Oh * My * Gawd Becky ..

so my boy at Newsweek sent me some love for la blog, as well as a special shout out to the guidos across the river .. I am simply beside myself ..

but I must say, I miss the hair monsters of yesterday, like the people featured in David Yellen's Too Fast for Love .. Now there's a look I can get into ..

Slippery When Wet

Join the lovely Miss Ellen Jong for some fun in the sun this Friday, May 19, as she celebrate the launch of Pees on Earth at Social Miami at the Sagamore Hotel .. 9pm .. RSVP: socialmiami@iheartsupermarket.com .. Watch out for wet spots !!

If you really, really want it ..

.. all you gotta do is get up on it .. Okay, that's not quite right, but I can't help it, I loves me some Keith Sweat ..

On May 25, I will be teaching my second class at The Learning Annex called How to Get Your Photos or Art Published.

The first class was held back in April and it went amaazingly well. Not only was I able to share some unadulterated insights into the publishing industry, but I also met an artist with an incredible book project, as well as a wonderful woman from a The Brooklyn Museum.

You never know how it will go, but one thing's for sure—you can't go wrong. Where else will you find me speaking non-stop for two hours. Err wait. Where won't you find me speaking non-stop for two hours? But atleast I will stay on a single topic, and one that might even change your life!

So if you really, really want it ..

Hot Dog !!

I am now officially obsessed with Overheard in New York .. Not that I have the time to check the website tho. So if you, like me, are just a lil too busy (tho really, how can you be if you are reading my blog?), I highly recommend you get the book, which I found at Barnes & Noble in the Village.

Upon purchasing the book, the clerk opened my copy, pointed to a selection, and said, "That's me!" I later discovered it was a conversation about, umm, anal sex, and was left trying to avoid thinking about whether he was the guy with the clever one-liner or the guy who got some. Waaaay too much information.

However, it got me thinking I should submit my own stories to Overheard, and when I saw my own, I mean my own because I don't eavesdrop much.

This might make a charming story:

Miss Rosen: Can I get a water?
Hot Dog Vendor: That will be $1.50.
Miss Rosen: Thanks.
Hot Dog Vendor: You look very nice. Where are you going?
Miss Rosen: Yes.
Hot Dog Vendor: So where are you from?
Miss Rosen: New York.
Hot Dog Vendor: I mean originally.
Miss Rosen: The Bronx.

Kinda amusing though not as brilliant as this gem from the book:

Guido 1: How do you like me new shirt?
Guido 2: It's fucking brilliant. You should buy another one and throw them both out.

Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

a lil somethin' somethin'

today was sales conference, which means we spent 90 days preparing materials for a 90 minute meeting .. I wish I could come up with something charming and clever, but I am tapped out .. So I leave you with a lil somethin' somethin' from Jamel Shabazz's A Time Before Crack ..

you find you find you find you love dancing

I remember this song, Love Dancing, from when I first started going out to clubs like Mars and Red Zone and Palladium (R.I.P.) and it would come on and everyone was like, Whoaaa !! It was house but back then there weren't these distinctions between types of music—if there was a groove you would move ..

Times have changed, and now everything's in these easy-to-market categories 'cause people love their labels .. but I like when things aren't straight up one thing or another—when they combine and blend to create something entirely new .. like breakin' .. I remember when it first came out, or at least when the cute boys were spinning on the floor in the cafeteria while Another One Bites the Dust was playing and their over-sized adidas shelltops would go flying across the room ..

But thing is girls weren't breakin' .. Ohh yea I would have loved to have gotten down but it just didn't seem like it was gonna happen—what with my only knowledge being a couple of steps of the Hustle gleaned from never-missed episodes of Dance Fever .. So I am blessed to have met thew incredible Rokafella, b-girl supreme, who has been teaching me and my girls some steps so we can finesse it .. Not like we've got it, 'cause we don't, but we wanna learn and that's where it's at ..

We're starting practice at Dance Theater Workshop every week .. It's b-girlin' for old ladies .. You gotta be in your 20s, if not 30s or 40s. Cause we don't need some fresh young thang coming thru like yo yo yo check this out. I mean, that's nice, but us grandmas need to be amongst our own. So honey, if you're an old girl lookin for a new trick, give me a shout. 'Cause when you bust a move like Young MC, people in the place are gonna be like WWWHAAAAAAAT !!???!!??!



Photograph of Rokafella by Martha Cooper, from We B*Girlz

Viva Freedom !!

Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with Flesh Life: Sex in Mexico, the sizzling new monograph by acclaimed photojournalist Joseph Rodriguez, whose intimate images are complemented by Ruben Martinez' autobiographical account of a maddening descent into crises sex. ..

I Don't Know .. Where Are We ? What is This Place ?

Yes, these words—spoken in a booming voice by a 6'4, 220 lb, less-than-convincing albeit personable drag queen—summed up the evening, which appeared to be glamorous .. but scratch the surface ..

I Don't Know:
It was a strange day, starting the morning at the Times Square studios of Good Morning America with Elizabeth and Nat and meeting up with them later that evening at a penthouse with 180 degree views of the Flatiron district as the sun set in a blaze of Tropicana-colored hues ..

Where Are We ?
It was a party for the launch of Abrams' new book, Andy Warhol Screen Tests. I think it was hosted by the Whitney Museum.

What Is This Place ?
"It's like a wake," Elizabeth commented as I mentioned how much I dislike these parties celebrating bygone eras. There's something about standing in a room with people forty years later, or forty years too young that feels fake, just like Mischa Sedgwick (or so Page Six reports).

Rok My World !!

My girl Rokafella will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of Full Circle Productions, a non-profit organization focusing on hip hop culture established with Quikstep, on Friday, May 26, 2006 .

If you do nothing else with your entire life, do not miss this !!

Alvin Ailey Citygroup Theater
55th Street at Ninth Avenue, New York

Performances by Open Thought, Universes, KR3TS,
Salsa sensation Amadis, West African drum ensemble Palms Down, and poetry collective Project 2050

We B*Girlz Book Signing

$75.00/$50.00 tickets include a VIP show starting at 7:00 pm
Featuring a fully catered reception, a meet and greet with Full Circle, and a preview performance/presentation of their new dance/theatre piece

$ 25.00 tickets are for the general show and awards presentation starting at 8:00 pm

To purchase tickets, please contact cat@fullcirclesoul.com

Monty Murray-Finkelstein v. Tom Cruise

.. So I got to the stage door entrance of Good Morning America this morning only to discover a crowd had already formed .. I heard mumblings of an appearance by Lindsay Lohan as I passed by .. I asked who was expected that day and the production assistant told me none other than Tom Cruise .. Which made me giggle because he is just so damn revolting ..

When I arrived in the green room, Monty was already there, ready for his close up .. Apparently, when the town car delivering Elizabeth and Nat pulled up outside the studio, the paparrazzi were on the ready, cameras poised, awaiting the shot .. The door opened and .. Big Pug popped out .. Someone asked, "Is that Tom Cruise's dog?" to which Elizabeth, slightly aghast answered, "Hardly."

I'm Lookin' for a Big Pug, Baby, a Big Pug .. Yea Yea Yea Yea

(to be sung to the tune of Jody Watley's late 80s classic, "I'm Lookin for a New Love")

The fabulous Miss Patty Neger of Good Morning America inquired about getting a chubby dog for a segment about on getting your overweight canine in shape with Fitness Unleashed! a new book by Marty Becker, D.V.M. and Robert Kushner, M.D.

I was like—Yes! Yes! I felt like that annoying kid in class sitting up on my hind leg, waving my arm in the air like—Call on Me! Call on Me!

I sent Patty an email telling her all about Monty, the chunky pug of my dear friends Elizabeth Murray and Nat Finkelstein. There is no dog quite like Monty, who is so big, the guys in the corner store call him "Gordo" whenever he passes by. Monty, oh Monty, who will eat wasabi in chunks, eye blinking back the tears as he gazes longingly for another bite of—anything at all.

I am pleased to announce Monty will be making his television debut on Good Morning America on WEDNESDAY, MAY 3 during the 8:30 half hour. And then you can see the grand old 37 pounder for yourself!



Bow WoW Baby !!

M-E-T-H-O-D Man !!

Hey You !! Get off my cloud .. You don't know me and you don't know my style ..

Ohh hey there. Excuse me. Got a lil lost in my reveries of '93, back when I was taping Red Alert mixes off KISS FM, replaying them then gagging like Oh Shit That's The Jam.

So So So Yo I heard from my man Ricky Powell that Method Man was loving our book Public Access !!

Better to let Ricky tell it:

Yo, I'm psyched! My boy Vinny Ponte who runs a cool little shop on Hudson St. (called RIVAL) tells me that Method Man from The Wu Tang Clan came over his house the other day and sees his picture in Public Access and got all "OH SSIT!!!!' and all. I was flattered because I really liked that kid (Mef) and I put his picture in all 4 of my books. Plus "we both enjoy the fruits of life"...Heh! Anyways we quickly came to the conclusion that we should do "Something" at the store..like a book signing/photo exhibit joint or some shit! It'll be DOPE! Vinny's down with the Wu Crew...(both parties have that Nubian Guido thing, it's beautiful...). He said they're gonna come through and DJ and whatnot...I'm already getting amped...I'm psyched!

Back to Miss Rosen:

Check it out!! THURSDAY, JUNE 1 AT RIVAL, 225 HUDSON STREET.

Upside. Downside.
Inside and Outside.
Hitting you from every angle.
There's no doubt I am...



...the one and only Method Man.